Sometimes it can be hard to accept help from others, or to admit that you need it. Take me, for example, and my visits to Dove Cottage – a local daycare centre that was brought about to give people who have a life-limiting illness time away from home and the general humdrum of life (hospital visits, treatments etc) and to give the people that care for them (usually unpaid carers, like my husband) a break. Initially I thought, why would I want to go there, it isn’t for people like me – but following advice I went to have a look round and I’ve never looked back.
Arrival is great – people greet you like an old friend and it’s quickly time for coffee and biscuits. There’s a lovely lady who comes in to do Armchair Yoga in the morning. Some of us have difficulty lifting an arm or leg and can manage only some of the exercises but we all laugh together, encouraging each other to give it a go and we remind one another to breathe. (Sometimes we’re so busy trying to move our limbs that we forget we’re supposed to breathe as well!)
Lunch is always a three-course meal and it’s all homemade and very nice. It’s served by the carers and volunteer helpers – but don’t be rude to them or they will remove your plate before you’ve had a chance to finish it all. All in good fun, of course!
After lunch there’s time for a nice rest on lovely comfortable chairs, before the next activity. We’re encouraged to take part but if you don’t feel like it no one forces you to join in and there are plenty of places you can go to be quiet either by yourself, with a helper or to talk to one of the wonderful team of chaplains who are always ready to lend an ear.
There are several people who come in to do activities with us in the afternoon. Sometimes it’s a musical afternoon where we can just listen or sing along. No longer wartime music but that of the ’50s and ’60s – we are now of a different generation. We have visits from the lovely “pat” dogs which is especially nice for those of us who no longer have our own pet. There’s also a therapist who offers relaxing treatments and others who come in to do crafts with us and who are always ready with a helping hand if our own fingers refuse to work.
There’s never a dull moment at Dove Cottage. Whereas initially I thought it wasn’t for me, now I’m grateful for the opportunity and upset if I cannot go. Every guest has different life experiences and sharing them is great. We all have medical problems that we never talk about but we do talk about our medical experiences and generally put the world to rights.
I’ve learned that accepting a helping hand can be a real blessing. Dove Cottage, like many respite care homes, is a place where one doesn’t have to put on a brave face (as we sometimes do with family and friends) and when I go there I can just be myself. I can chat to people who are facing similar problems and usually we have a laugh, or at least a smile.
Life is all about helping one another and we can all do that.
For more information about Dove Cottage visit www.dovecottage.org