As we head towards yet another Christmas and all the joy this time of year brings, I thought this would be a good time to discuss toilets. I do have a tenuous link which I will share with you later but bear with me for the time being. I’m not talking about your own personal throne which I am sure is beautiful. No, I need to discuss public conveniences.
Many years ago, my husband and I were involved with a company that built, supplied and delivered really fancy mobile toilet units for corporate events and posh weddings. It was a great business and we were privy (see what I did there?!) to many beautiful homes and venues. However, it never ceased to amaze me what we would find after an event and how disrespectful people were. Most of our events involved a large amount of alcohol – guests, not us – so that played a part but the acrobatic prowess involved in managing to get two people into a small mobile cubicle, undress enough to misbehave (usually with someone totally inappropriate – let’s face it no long-term relationship ever started with a shag in a mobile bog) and then have enough space left to ‘do the deed’ was beyond me. Wedding gifts, things nicked from other parts of the venue and many undergarments were regularly left behind.
In my own experience I find going to the public toilets a bit of a challenge. In the good old days there was a silhouette sticker on the door of either a lady, recognisable by her skirt, or a gentleman, wearing trousers. Taps turned on and off and toilet rolls were readily available. These days there are cryptic clues as to which gender toilet you might need, quirky plays on words, clever wispy drawings and in one pub in Nottingham there is even a caricature of the genitalia! Dear God, by the time I have a large glass of wine or three, the lights are dim and I haven’t got my specs on I could end up anywhere!
On the off chance you do land in the correct area then starts the crystal maze of WCs. The toilet paper is in a machine of confusion and if you do manage to access it God forbid you should get more than one sheet at a time. Having completed the task, working out how to activate the flush is like landing a plane – doors to manual palease! Then the washing of hands; getting the soap to drop in your hand rather than the floor or the wall and getting the tap to work and the water to flow needs the correct sequence of hand eye movements. Finally, the hand dryer is one of two options, option one takes two weeks’ notice and has the strength of a wasp’s wings or option two flattens your skin to your bones and leaves you skeletal!
So, as you over shop for those ‘must have’ Christmas gifts and spend far too much time in the loo trying to escape those awful obligatory Christmas parties (tenuous link explained) take on board the complexities of the smallest room because you never know when you might need it in haste.
Happy Christmas!