As we hurtle towards Christmas with baubles flying from our re used bags for life (5p! I ask you!) I am called to wonder where yet another
year has gone. Come to think of it where have the last few gone? I have been writing this page for over four years now and have shared many
things with you. Children starting school – both primary and secondary, wedding anniversaries, birthdays and mid life crisis. House moves,
jobs and various stresses and laughs. However, one thing I didn’t share with you at the time was the death of my Dad. By the time you read
this it will be almost two years on. Now don’t panic – I’m not about to get all weepy on you or start passing on messages from the other
side; I just thought it was time to share what I have learnt with you. Dad’s death wasn’t unexpected but the fact that he had been poorly
for a long time was no preparation. He was at home with his wife and some friends and, I am told, the actual passing was calm and peaceful
as though he chose the moment knowing that Mum wasn’t alone.
Subsequently, we did the funeral bit and the official stuff, informed those who needed to know and let the grapevine do the rest. People
cared and offered support, gave advice and helped where they could but, as always happens, when you wake in the middle of the night it is
only your thoughts that are there.
I don’t know the official stages of grief and I’m not even sure there can be a text book way to deal with it. Such an emotion can only be
dealt with with true honesty and individuality. I haven’t lived with my Dad for years or even talked to him on the phone very often and
latterly most of our conversations took place in a hospital, but he was always there and his presence, even from a distance, was a
comforting one. So two years on should one be ‘over’ the loss of a loved one – or ‘dealing with it’ – who knows? I’m not in the habit of
crumbling and life very much goes on with a pace, but occasionally when I realise – as if for the first time all over again – he’s not
here, I cry. And I’m not ashamed of it. So at this time of year, or any for that matter, if you need to have a cry because you miss someone
– let it out. Don’t feel guilty or silly or ‘oh I should be over this by now’. We cry because we need to and bottling it up is never good.
So whilst the festive season is, quite rightly, one of happiness and laughter, families and friends the occasional tear and a quiet moment
to remember can bring, and should allow fond memories as well. Happy Christmas. X